Why Young Women Fall For Narcissists and Psychopaths
I know that this title is somewhat provocative, however this isn't actually a controversial statement. There is plenty of data that supports this notion, and I would imagine that most women have some anecdotal evidence supporting this theory as well. Hopefully not extreme evidence, but evidence nonetheless.
There are plenty of studies that allegedly 'prove' that women are more attracted to men that display psychopathic or narcissistic tendencies due to the level of confidence they often present with. However there is also the danger that a female may put herself in if she is in close proximity to such individuals. Especially the psychopathic types. And how this is attenuated is another topic.
There is a phenomenon called 'Hybristophilia' which is a paraphilia that involves sexual attraction to people who commit crimes. This is believed to be as a result of our evolution and the survival benefits that having someone who is capable of killing without consideration may have provided you with. It could explain the thousands of letters that serial killers and rapists receive when on death row or in prison. The underlying desires of these individuals who write in as intense admirers, are not concretely known, and there are a myriad of possible reasons why.
From a selection point of view two of the main things that women look for, wise women at least, in a potential partner are competency and generosity. Obviously there are other idiosyncratic things, but from a primal level these are two of the biggest driving forces for women. Competence because a man's ability to provide and protect is essential to women, and generosity because without that the prior would be rendered futile. Narcissists and Psychopaths are very capable of mimicking these attributes, not only this but they can be excellent manipulators and use a person's nativity to their advantage to yield what they desire from them. There are many young women, people as a whole in fact, who are not lacking in naivety
Certain women are unfortunately more prone to falling prey to these characters, for example, women who have not been sufficiently socialised with men growing up may lack the necessary boundaries to keep themselves safe and as a result end up in situations that they were unaware could have occurred. Particularly agreeable and considerate women, as unfortunate as it is, can also be listed into their dominion as a result of their tendency to only see the good in people. An attribute that can be continually exploited as they are repeatedly mistreated by their partners. It is important to note that I am not being apathetic towards individuals who are truly victimised by perpetrators, this is a phenomenon that more people should be aware of and equipped with better guidance.
Eventually most women will grow out of this, some may not and some may never have even entered into this stage, it's not an exact science. They begin to be able to decipher the productive and generous men from the parasitical leeches that suck what they can out of you and then flee. Unfortunately for both men and women, sometimes the pathological individuals have damaged a woman's perception of men so that she becomes blinded by her past experiences and struggles to extract the necessary wisdom from her previous experiences. Hopefully this is an occurrence that can be rectified or ideally prevented in the first place.
In the end, to use a painful cliche, you may have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince. As banal as it is, it is true.
Thank you for reading,
OxJ